Who I am;
I am a thirty-seven year old female. I am a Yogi. I am a Writer. I am a Wife. I am a Daughter, Sister, Friend. I am imperfect. I am vulnerable. I have experienced shame. I have experienced guilt. I am not shame and I am not guilt. I am kind. I am honest. I am trustworthy. I am loyal. I am brave. I am courageous. I am joyful. I am grateful.
My Best Friend, my Confidant, my Sounding Board and my Support System has always been ME. I am now so grateful to say that my Husband is all of those things and has been since I met him seven years ago; instantly. He is wonderful. However, I am and always will be someone who is extremely self-reliant. I grew up feeling like Oprah was my Aunt and thanks to cable TV at the time I watched all manner of reality shows like Jerry Springer, Doctor Phil, Rikki Lake and I learnt from watching all these different people and hearing their stories and the advice they were given that every single person in the world is so vastly different that you can never assume someone completely nor can you explain yourself completely. We are just all too complex. There seem too few words.
So today as I write this I have various acquaintances whom I interact with. Talk indepth with and have a lot in common with however I wouldn’t call any of them if I were in crisis. I have a caring Mother and a practical Father and two wonderful Step-Parents but I wouldn’t go to any of them either. I have a sensible loving Sister who I would call in certain situations and I know she would support me however she could at any time of day or night. I have two friends I have known for over twenty years, one of whom is a great advice giver and both of whom are extremely calm so wouldn’t dramatize whatever I was telling them. However they would talk about it between themselves so I wouldn’t call them either although I may tell them about it once I had dealt with it myself.
So, if the sky caved in and I couldn’t go to my Husband then I would get really quiet, meditate, sit with my pain and read/listen to the words of Oprah, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, Lisa Nicholls and Gabbi Bernstein. I would find my perspective, I would feel my emotions and I would do the next right thing for me. That might be to go be with my family or friends. It might be to go to a Yoga class. It might be to go to sit in nature. It might be all of the above. What I haven’t ever felt the need for was to sit with any person (my Husband aside) and talk it all out and the reason is that anytime I did that, all I got was their perspective, their fears, their boundaries, their anger, their triggers, their worries projected on to my situation. It is hard to find someone who identifies enough to show empathy but who can stay removed enough from the situation to advise me not themselves in my situation. So my Tribe are largely people whom I have not met and I imagine never will. They are a group of amazing women who lay it all on the table which is why you feel they are friends or wise Aunts. They never judge anyone. They empathise not sympathise. They are practical yet bring humour and humanity to every emotion/situation/person/dilemma/observation/topic so that you feel relieved to have heard their words not terrified at having realised you are vulnerable.
Connection can happen with a stranger in a cafe, your Landlord, your Yoga Teacher or wise and wonderful people such as those mentioned above whom you have never physically met. Words are powerful when you hear them no matter how.